FOR CHAYEI SARAH
A WHIPPING OF OPPOSITES
Earlier this week, while waiting to visit a patient at a local hospital, I had the opportunity to sit with the permanent chaplain. This Southern gentleman, whose twang is distinct and notable, does not represent the Jewish religion. Over the years, though, we have become good friends. He consults with me regarding matters pertaining to Judaism.
He shared with me a most regrettable moment of his life. Going back wistfully some 6-7 decades ago, a little past his sixteenth birthday, he remembered his first days after earning his driver’s license. His father had set a curfew for him to be back home. It was 11:00 p.m.
He had met up with some of his friends, and they were simply hanging out and talking. Before he knew it, 4:00 a.m. had arrived, and he rushed home.
The next day, his father called him over. He asked him to bring the “switch,” as in whip. (The dictionary’s fist definition of this word is: “slender, flexible shoot or rod, etc., used especially in whipping or disciplining.”)
The young sixteen-year-old turned to his father, somehow emboldened by his newfound license, and stated, in his most threatening tone and stance manageable: “You’re not going to whip now, are you?”
“Before I knew it,” continued my buddy, “I was on the floor, my father straddling my stomach. And he said, ‘Boy, you will never talk to me like that, let alone carry out any threat to me.’ I then stood up, brought my dad the switch, and, for the final time of my life, he whipped me.”
The chaplain explained that he always remained close with his father. They were, in fact, in business together. Yet, when it came time to bury him, and until this day, this incident of disrespect continues to bother him. It is his one regret in life.
I congratulated him for having no other regrets in life. Even more: The mere fact that this continues to sit on his mind indicates that, despite falling, or even failing, he has never allowed the incident and its message to be dropped from his mind.
People commit blunders all the time. Everyone can essentially point to a time in life when something was botched or bungled. Or worse. Perfect people who only commit perfect deeds all their lives are not particularly common. It is all about the energy generated by the reaction: When one takes those lessons, constantly bringing them through life, one has then unified the negative with the positive. And in life, that unification is most potent and productive – as learned from the central theme of this week’s Torah portion, “Chayei Sarah.”
The greater part of the portion records the efforts to find a spouse for Yitzchak, the patriarch Isaac. His father, the patriarch Abraham, commissioned his servant to find a wife for his son not from the local women, but from the distant Mesopotamia, his birthplace. The servant dully arrived in town and stopped at the well, in search of a good drink for himself and his camels. But he needed help. As the young ladies were going out to draw water, the servant called to G-d: “Please let something happen to me today and do kindness to my master, Abraham… If I say to a young lady, ‘Please tilt down your pitcher and let me drink,’ and she says, ‘Drink, and I will also give your camels to drink,’ she will be fit to be chosen by You for your servant, for Isaac.” (B’raishis (Genesis) 24:12-14.)
The next verse chronicles what happened next: “He had not yet finished speaking and behold Rebecca, the daughter of… Abraham’s brother, Nachor, came out.” When the servant requested her assistance for some water, she, indeed, offered to draw water not just for him, but also offered to provide water for all his ten camels – a huge undertaking, knowing how much camels drink at the end of a long journey.
This was amazing! He did not even finish entreating the Almighty, and there was his solution.
The Talmudic Sages point to two other biblical figures with similar stories: Moses and King Solomon. When Moses was confronted by a mutiny led by his cousin Korach, he asked for the earth to swallow them up. As he concluded this request, his entreaty was fulfilled (B’midbar 16:28-33). When King Solomon completed his monumental task of constructing the first Holy Temple in Jerusalem, he offered a long and detailed prayer, begging the Almighty to demonstrate how this magnificent edifice would become His dwelling place on earth. “As Solomon finished praying, the fire came down from Heaven… And the glory of G-d filled the Temple… And all the children of Israel were watching” (2 Chronicles 7:1-3).
Among these three biblical figures, however, it was the servant of Abraham who was shown the greatest attention. His request was granted even before he completed the request. One can imagine the significance of squelching a rebellion, and, it goes without saying, the direct appearance of the Almighty in His Holy Temple. How does finding a wife for Isaac – as important a figure he may be – surpass the importance of the other two needs?
It is about unifying the negative and the positive. Isaac was an ultra-holy man. He had been on the verge of being offered as a sacrifice (as recorded in the previous Torah portion). Each and every day, the Jewish prayers contain the story of his willingness to be sacrificed to the Almighty. Isaac was later instructed never to leave the confines of the Holy Land. His holiness was that dominant.
His bride, however, was not merely born outside the Holy Land, but to a family of cheaters and murderers. She was, as the Sages teach, “Like a rose among the thorns.” She had to be plucked from a degrading and corrupt atmosphere.
One may think that a union of these two extremes would be doomed from the start. The Torah, though, sends a different message. As the first Jewish marriage, this story delivers a critical point: Even when matters are on the lowest plain, they are to be elevated. What seems to be low, ruined, failed, and unworthy, can become great, powerful, strong, and enduring. This depends, though, on plucking the rose away from the thorns and allowing it to shine.
At the same time, as consecrated and as blessed Isaac was, his ultimate goal was to be introduced to, and to live with, the rose with a thorny background.
This point is even more significant than dealing with rebellion against Moses and the Almighty, and even more than the presence of the Divine in the Holy Temple. It is the ability for people to harness energies that have fallen among negativity and elevating them to the upright and virtuous levels.
My buddy is a great, respectful and humble person. Not because his father whipped him, but because he chose to bring the whip, and especially its energy, into his life.
SUMMARY: A marriage of opposites demonstrates how the counterparts can potentially be united and become the most impressive story.