FOR VAYISHLACH
BARING THE BAR AND BAT MITZVAH
Thirty-eight years ago, around this time of the year, I was occupied with an assignment, leading me to the most exciting time of my life till then: my Bar-Mitzvah.
For me, this meant studying a deep and complicated Chassidic speech, written by one of the previous Lubavitcher Rebbes. I was studying from a Yiddish copy, making it easy for me, as Yiddish was my first language. The challenge was learning the words by-heart. This was not as easy… In addition, once I completed that assignment, I was apportioned an additional dissertation to study by-heart, in Yiddish of course, dealing with an issue of Talmudic and Jewish law.
Other preparations included studying Jewish law, specifically regarding the new commitment for my Bar-Mitzvah: the weekday wearing of Tefillin. The custom in our synagogue did not include the Bar-Mitzvah boy reading from the Torah. I was spared that ordeal, although that would have been the easiest of all to prepare, for we had studied this skill in school.
Although we were living in England, my thirteenth birthday was spent in Brooklyn. To my eternal gratitude, my parents and grandparents were adamant that my Bar-Mitzvah be held in the presence of the most saintly person on this earth: The Lubavitcher Rebbe. To be sure, celebrations were held both in the United States and in England. The parties, though, were an afterthought. I hardly remember them. I well remember, though, the time I spent in spiritual preparations.
Moreover, the spiritual preparations have remained with me ever since, and they have helped me considerably over the years, in my teaching and preparing many dozens of other Bar-Mitzvah boys.
The world at large does not necessarily see Bar-Mitzvahs in the same way. Even the more spiritually oriented Bar (and Bat) Mitzvahs of today often tend to focus more on the entertainment, not as much on the substance. And that is a shame, because the Bar (and Bat) Mitzvah is not merely an excuse for a party, but an opportunity for seriousness. The Bar (and Bat) Mitzvah are not about an end (of the preparations or of Judaism), but a beautiful beginning to the next phase of life.
The above is not merely my “old-fashioned” opinion, but it goes back to the origin of the Bar Mitzvah, which is rooted in this week’s Torah portion, “Vayishlach.”
The portion records the disturbing story of Dinah, the daughter of the patriarch Jacob, who was abducted and raped by a local prince. Those days, this violation warranted the death penalty according to the laws of the land. Working backwards, though, the man responsible for this reprehensible atrocity desired to marry the girl, and met with her family to make those arrangements. He and his father promised a close relationship between the local residents and the family, even becoming partners in commerce. Deeply offended, the family instructed them to circumcise all the males of the town. On the third and most painful day following the circumcision, two of Jacob’s sons, Simeon and Levi, killed off all the male residents. Dinah was now freed.
When the Torah introduces the two sons of Jacob responsible for this killing, Simeon and Levi, the words used are: “Simeon and Levi, Dinah’s brothers, took each man a sword.” (B’raishis (Genesis) 34:25.) The Sages of the Talmud point out that the younger of the two, Levi, had just turned thirteen. Since the Torah employs the term “Ish-man,” this shows that once a boy reaches age thirteen, he becomes a full-fledged adult: a “man.” [As for the girl becoming Bat-Mitzvah at age twelve: Based on wording used in the Torah when the first woman was created, the Talmud (Niddah 45b) states, “Women were given more understanding than men.” Even physically, states the Talmud, females develop earlier than males. This superiority of females over males brings the decided time of maturity of females one year earlier than males, at the age twelve.]
The killing of the males in that town was fully justifiable from various standpoints, which are beyond the scope of this article. Whatever the reason, however, the massive loss of human life is always a misfortune. Why, then, would this episode be chosen to teach the age of becoming a man? Moreover, the term “man” would surely denote a person with sensibility, maturity, responsibility, and level-headedness. This is, after all, the age one would expect the “man” to emerge. One would certainly expect to see a person in control of himself. The story with these two sons of Jacob depicts quite the opposite of these characteristics!
The answer lies in clarifying the “Mitzvah” part of Bar and Bat-Mitzvah. The word “Mitzvah” means commandment. It also means connection. These two translations are really one and the same: following someone’s command creates or intensifies a connection.
The same would apply, then, to the observance of a command of the Almighty: a connection is created and the bond is intensified. This would relate to any form of commandment, whether it appears to makes sense to a human being or not. When a person realizes how the Almighty wants only that which is best for the person, obeying that commandment should be the ultimate goal of every individual.
Yet, because a human is blessed with intelligence, the commitment toward those commandments would be everlasting when their reasoning can be understood and appreciated with human intelligence. The obligation to observe these commandments therefore begins when one turns thirteen or twelve, when one begins the process of becoming intellectually and emotionally mature.
Ultimately, however, the foundation of a relationship with the Divine is about acceptance and submission to the will of our Father in Heaven, despite one’s own limited perception and human intelligence.
The two sons of Jacob served the Almighty in such a manner. They saw an act that warranted action. Regardless of personal risk and sacrifice, they readily put their own interests aside and went out to deliver justice. They submitted to the will of the Almighty, and that takes a man (or a woman).
A child becomes an adult by turning twelve or thirteen. For a youngster to becomes Bar or Bat Mitzvah, however, it takes a display of maturity, responsibility, and commitment to the Heavenly Commander of the Mitzvahs.
Personally, I am deeply grateful to my parents for overseeing my preparation to this great day in my life – both in the understandable realm, as well as in the above understandable realm. As we begin preparations for our youngest son’s Bar Mitzvah (to take place next year, G-d willing), we hope to maintain this tradition, whereby he will become a true “son of the Mitzvah,” and especially a dedicated “son” of the Commander of the Mitzvah.
SUMMARY: In Judaism, a ceremony is not necessary to come of age. To become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah, however, it necessitates a major commitment and responsibility.