FOR KI SOVO
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE FOR ME TODAY?
A few months ago, a hotel’s security camera revealed footage of a football player dragging a limp woman, by her feet, out of an elevator. It later turned out that this woman was, in fact, this player’s fiancé.
An investigation ensued. This couple had engaged in an altercation, and she somehow ended up passed out on the floor. As part of his being disciplined, the player was suspended from playing in two football games in the National Football League.
Love, however, must have been in the air. Amid all of this hoopla, this loving couple was wed.
Earlier this week, this story exploded in its full wrath. Other footage was discovered and publicized. Here, it was clear why the woman lay passed out on the floor: She was knocked out cold via a punch in her face by the love of her life. He now says they had both been drinking heavily. Yeah, that explains it.
The punishment was severe and swift. The team released this player, and the league banned him from playing as well. As the story continues to unfold, all pundits, or wannabe experts and authorities, are decrying the prevalent problem of domestic abuse. This player, they say, has crossed every line. His behavior is intolerable.
While the discipline measure is as austere as can be, this is not the first time a sports figure has been slapped with an accusation of this kind. Sadly, this has not escaped other public figures throughout the years. It seems, though, that this case has created a greater storm – and hopefully greater awareness – to this terrible issue. It must be the repulsiveness of actually being able to see to see footage of this criminal act.
Any male person who dares to lift even his left pinky, placing it on a woman for the intent of inflicting harm, or even to inflict psychological maltreatment, is a total coward. This man is using his aggression on someone who is smaller and weaker than he is. Perhaps she is more vulnerable. He is preying on her for complete and total selfish purposes. There is never a reason, no possible excuses, that could ever justify such aggression against a spouse, a partner, a woman. Ever.
It is impossible in this context to discuss the complexities of this awful phenomenon, unfortunately found in all cultures, religions, and creeds. This presentation will, instead, discuss the other side: focusing on domestic harmony.
Earlier this week, in facilitating between a couple, we were exploring the avenues which could lead to marital bliss. It was apropos for this week, as the Torah portion is, “Ki Sovo.” This portion, found towards the end of the Torah’s fifth book, is in the book of “D’varim,” or Deuteronomy. This book chronicles Moses’ last words to the Jewish people before he will pass away and the people will enter the Holy Land. Moses begins the book with a recap of their time together since the Exodus from Egypt. By the fourth portion he veers towards discussing many of the Torah’s 613 commandments.
About three portions later, in the midst of the portion for this week, Moses returns to his narrative. His first word is “Hayom,” Today. He informs the Jewish people that: “Today, G-d your G-d is commanding you to fulfill these statues and commandments. Be careful to observe them, with all your heart and all your soul.” (D’varim (Deuteronomy) 26:16.) The word “Hayom – Today” appears in the following two verses, and then another eight times before the portion concludes. In all its appearances, the word is used in the context of, “Today, right now.” This includes: “Pay attention and listen, O Israel! Today, you have become a people to G-d, your G-d.” (27:9.)
The Jewish people became a nation in Egypt. Perhaps one could look at the Exodus from Egypt or the Revelation at Sinai as the Jewish people’s becoming complete in their nationhood. There is no mistake, however, that on a random day, some forty years after their infancy as a nation, the Jewish people were not becoming a nation! What is Moses referring to when he is constantly emphasizing how this is happening today?
The word “Hayom – Today,” in the above context, appears dozens upon dozens of times in the Torah’s fifth book. The message Moses is teaching is about the very nature of relationships. Moses is teaching that the Jewish people’s nationhood commenced previously, but in order for it to survive it is being renewed each day, “Hayom.” Human beings, and their relationships, are not sustained by history. People must eat every single day, and several times per day. One must constantly be engaged in hygiene, always be keep on wearing clothed, always take breaths, and so forth. Regardless of how big a meal one ate, and how well one was cleansed, and how many breaths were taken previously, one must do so again, and again, and again. Hayom. Today. Now.
And it is the same with relationships. Regardless of how good things were last year, last month, last week, and even yesterday, the relationship requires a “Hayom,” a renewal, a refresher, for today.
Moses is admonishing the Jewish people, over and over again, how the Torah and the commitment of the Jewish people to it, is a relationship. The Torah, representing the Jewish religion, is “Your life and the length of your days” – as the Torah will reveal at the end of the next portion. As with the other aspects of life, the exercise of life requires a daily, even a constant focus. Similarly, the “life” of the Jewish people, the Torah, must be a constant exercise. One must find something in Judaism each day upon which to focus and to expand. One must strive to keep things fresh and current, not allowing even one day to pass without tending to this critical element of life.
The challenges of marriage are, generally speaking, due to lack of freshness. When the element of “Hayom” is lacking, the relationship is dry, stale, and boring. Those blessed with successful relationships are innately aware of the focus necessary for the critical issues in life. This investment leads to a life of respect, honor, and enjoyment through growth.
Hopefully, as a result of the negative attention created earlier this week by public people who had yet to internalize the “Hayom” factor, other people will be inspired to look after their loved ones, leading productive and satisfying lives.
SUMMARY: Just as with relationships, the Torah, the life of the Jewish people, requires a daily, even constant focus.